It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
