So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
This is my gift to your gina
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
