hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
