Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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