oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
