My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
We got so high we made milksteak
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
