Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
