What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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