So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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