For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I lost the right to judge tonight
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
