Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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