life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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