yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
