Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
