I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
