Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
