he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
