I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I smell like Dick and happiness
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
