If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize