I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Four minutes until I can fart!
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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