I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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