I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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