I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize