I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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