Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Do vagina's smell?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
