My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
