after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
