theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
