my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
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