she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
