I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize