so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Randomize
