U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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