so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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