Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Did you just see the Batmobile???
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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