I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
