Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
