I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
