ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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