my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
