she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
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