Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
