Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
