Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
