I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
