I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
