i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
