I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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