sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
