Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
