the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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