I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
