I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
