brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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