He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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