The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize
