if you like me you must not know who I am
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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