how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
