wat bout pragnant strippers??
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
