hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
They have beer where we have blood.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
