So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize