nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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