I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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