Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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