He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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