I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize