I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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