If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
