I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
