is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
