Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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