He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
