I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
