there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
