Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
