Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
