I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
