so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
