i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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