you would pick up someone in the library
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
