I murdered the dance floor call the cops
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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