talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
