she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
