Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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