Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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