My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
