Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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