the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
