the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
