Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
