This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
