if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
